Want to Have Another?

So why is it, I wonder to myself, do we want to have another baby, that second child. My mother had it thankfully…I’m her second child. The desire for me, at this moment, for another child is more intense and consuming than my desire ever was for my first. Sure, I wanted to have a child but the intensity wasn’t nearly as it is now. Is it because I now know what it is like to nurture that tiny life inside me? Is it because I now know the secret joys of that first “thump” on the inside of your belly? Is it because I now know the feelings of precious joy and consuming love that take over when you first see that baby smile? This may be so, but…

I also now know the stress of parenting that is exerted on a marriage. (Even the happy, strong ones) I now know the pure exhaustion and fatigue of all nighters and broken sleep. I now know the sheer expense of a child from child care to cough syrup. Where does our time go? It’s a though we stream from one puppet show to the next book, to the next art project. Somehow in those moments of silence and daydreams we manage to fit in laundry, dishes, dinner, and hedge trimming. So why would I want to add another need, another personality, another time taker?

Maybe because there really is room for it all. Maybe because there is as much room and time as we allow. There is never enough money. We always manage to have enough of everything. Growing and stretching is good.

So why? Why the desire to bring another person into this world? I may never figure out why. Now I just want to figure out when. I hope there will be a time soon down the road where the time is right and both of our desires align.

1 thought on “Want to Have Another?”

  1. I think of you often and wonder when that day would be. You are such a great mother to Audrey and I know any baby would be lucky to have you and Brian as parents. Love and miss you!

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