So, today I ran into someone I’ve known for a while but only see about once a year, if that. She’s a great person and I like her tons, but today was a bit strange. To protect the innocent, today we will call her, ummm, Gloria.
I spotted Gloria across the room at another table. I caught her eye and mouthed, “Hello!” and sent a friendly wave. She waved back. Later in the day, at break, we see each other in the hallway on my way to the bathroom. “Melanie!” She exclaims, and throws her arms open. She gives me a tight hug. We exchange typical pleasantries and then the conversation went something like this:
Gloria: You look great as always! I love that sweater.
Me: Oh, thanks!
Gloria: Are we letting things grow out these days? (She makes a ‘flip’ action with her hand, referring to my hair)
Me: Well, you know. I let it grow a bit then cut it again. I’ll see what happens for the fall.
Gloria: Well is looks beautiful. Very Victorian – totally goes with your outfit!
(I look Victorian? Seriously?)
Me: (A bit awkwardly) Thanks.
Gloria: I swear, Melanie you are just so darn cute I could stuff you with cotton and put you on my bed!
Me: What the f**ck did you just say? (Kidding! I didn’t say that but I surely wanted to)
PEOPLE! She said that she could stuff me with cotton! Isn’t that one degree short from Silence of the Lambs? Isn’t that the basic process of taxidermy? That’s what you do to dead animals that you want to keep as trophies! Who the hell says that to another person! Another random person that you only see maybe once a year?!?
Me: (In reality) Ha! You are too funny. Have a great day! (And I bolt)
Seriously people, this was said to me on this very day before lunch. All I can say is that once again I get additional confirmation that basically, for the vast majority, people are FLIPPING NUTSO!