Separation Anxiety

Let’s face it. I am human. I am human and am willing to admit the unadmitable. Dare I say it? It is true. I am enjoying this time mothering my Prince more than I did with Pickle. Why? I would say most likely because I can. When people say you can’t really prepare yourself for parenthood they are right. Despite these odds, I did my best to prepare for Pickle’s arrival. I took every class, read just about every book I could put my hands on. I sought advice. None of it mattered. I was not prepared. This time around is different. I am not so hung up on much of the first-time mother anxiety. I don’t panic each time he cries. I’m more physically prepared for the demands of the job. Happily doing more with less sleep and less food for that matter. Overall it is just easier which makes him so much easier to enjoy. So it’s no stretch to think that during those early days with Pickle I was eager for a break. If anyone wanted to take her I was ready and willing to give her up. Hell, there were times I was willing to let her sleep in my closet if it meant I could actually sleep for three hours in a row! This time, well, not so much. This time I’m really not into sharing.

Just a few weeks ago I was offered what most mothers of a newborn would love to have. A night off. My mother-in-law very generously offered to take the Prince for the night. At the mere suggestion of him sleeping somewhere other than next to me made my throat tighten. I swallowed hard and of course happily took her up on her offer. I may be overprotective of my young son but I’m not a complete moron. The idea of having a full night of uninterrupted sleep was very enticing. I struggled between my desire for sleep and the anxiety of my boy possibly forgetting about me during his overnight stay with his MawMaw. Let it go, Melanie. He will be fine. 

That evening, prior to saying goodnight to the Prince I went over everything with my mother-in-law. I could feel myself becoming that mother. I explained his feedings, how many ounces, where his diapers were, what a bottle was and how it worked – well not that extreme but I was getting close. I reminded myself again and again that my mother-in-law did raise four children and that this is her sixth grandchild. She knows what she is doing, relax!

I kissed my sweet Prince several times and bid him goodnight. I must admit that I wanted to cry when my head hit my pillow that night. I felt a little lonely without him.  Every night since his birth he had been sleeping by my side. On that night, I was sleeping alone. My sadness was (very) short lived as I fell asleep quickly and happily slept, uninterrupted for several hours. Bliss…

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and excited about seeing my boy! I admitted to Brian that morning about my anxiety of the night before. I explained to him how it was actually a bit difficult for me to leave him for the night.

“Leave him for the night?” Brian asked me somewhat puzzled.

“Well, yes. This was the first night I slept without him. This was his first night away from me. That’s a big deal.” I responded.

So I have to admit, there are times when I can be a bit dramatic.

He gently reminded me, “Melanie, he was just in the next room.”

Happy Mothering!


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