The Reasoning of a Screaming Baby

After two failed attempts to have dinner together as a family, Brian and I have made the rational decision to never go out to eat again. Ever. It’s the only logical solution. Someone please help me understand the phenomenon of screaming babies that seems to occur only at restaurants, only when they are crowded, and only when everyone has lost their patience.

For your reference, I have included an actual, scaled illustration of my quandary. It seems as though when the little Prince is not happy to be eating a meal with his family he begins to scream, arch his back, and I’m sure, send baby signals to his peeps that he is in distress and needs immediate assistance. I don’t know if it has something to do with the location of where we are sitting because this totally unnecessary screaming and carrying on only happens within one foot of our designated table. It’s so bizarre! If I hold him in my lap at our table he screams. If Brian holds him standing up near our table he still screams! The strangest thing happens though when you walk ten feet away from our table – ten feet in any direction – he instantly stops crying! We are still in the same restaurant hearing the same noises, smelling the same smells as we are AT OUR TABLE. The view is really not that much different from ten feet away. It must be some sort of baby vortex that releases them from misery when the get ten feet away from the table. It’s the only logical thing I can come up with. That or he is already embarrassed to be seen with us. I guess so since I make no apologies for digging in his nose in public. Oh the horror.

So if you have any ideas as to why my baby is happy only when moved ten feet from us at dinner I would greatly appreciate the feedback. I’m wondering if the next time we go out we should just get him his own table? Maybe see if the little elderly couple three tables over wouldn’t mind helping us out? Old people love babies. Whatever works….

Happy Mothering!

Melanie

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